July 19 would have been Xanadu’s 13th birthday. We lost him just over three months ago to bone cancer. I miss him so much, and have found that participating in Morris Animal Foundation’s K9 Cancer Walk helps to keep his memory alive. I joined the planning committee last year just after Xan’s diagnosis. This year, even though he is no longer with us, supporting this cause is just as important to me. I have Xan’s best friend, Zoey, to worry about and a month ago, we adopted Buster, a 11 month old Yellow Lab. I don’t want to face cancer with either of these dogs and I don’t want any other family to have to go through what our family went through with Xan’s diagnosis, amputation and eventual death.
I hope to raise $1,000 to support Morris’ Canine Cancer Campaign. You can help support my efforts by joining the team and walking virtually or making a donation of any size. Please visit our walk page at: http://tinyurl.com/xan2011.
Thank you, Dakota Dawg, for writing and sharing this poem with me. It brought tears to my eyes. I hope you don’t mind that I am sharing it with the world. It is spot on and describes Xan very well. – Lisa
Love to Xanadu
Precious Xan, so soft, so sweet, you moved into my heart, and life was complete.
I gave you a home, and it made me so glad. In return you became the best friend I ever had.
Time went by and I grew older. You grew older, too. One day you got sick, so very sick, and I didn’t know what to do.
The dreaded day came and I set you free. This was all about you, not about me.
Our house has children, two rambunctious boys. But it is still too quiet without your delightful noise.
Brave Xanadu, you are missed so very much. One day I will cross the bridge and you will run to my touch.
We lost Xanadu on April 1, 2011 after spending the day in Moss Landing. It feels like my heart has been ripped out. My friend of nearly 13 years is gone. Poof. Even though I knew this day was coming, I really hoped it would be so much later. I told him he would make it to his 13th birthday on July 19. How I wished we could’ve beat osteosarcoma. We fought. Hard. But all we did was delay his death a bit. He died on a good day. I am still coming to terms with his passing, but I am happy that my final memories of him are good ones. He rallied and enjoyed his last day on earth – he always loved the beach. And although he couldn’t chase tennis balls or birds, he got his paws wet and enjoyed the sunshine. What a beautiful day.
His passing was peaceful. He layed down in our backyard when we got home from the beach and he never got up again. I think he knew it was time. He was calm and so full of love. God, I miss him so much it hurts. Although I stalled and considered waiting until another day, I know we did what was best for him. He is no longer suffering, but I still miss him. I still feel him in our house. I think he is hanging around. I hope he knows I did everything I could to keep him with us.
Our boys are still figuring out their feelings. Our 2-year-old asks for Xan every morning. His routine was to give both dogs a cookie. Now, he holds the cookie in his little hand and asks, “where Xani go?” – it is so sad. This morning he said, “Xani gone.” My 4 1/2 year old asked the other day how he can get to the Rainbow Bridge to see Xan because he misses him.
Our last day together
Rest in peace, Xanadu. I think of you every second and wonder how you are doing on the bridge. I will always love you and we will meet again someday. Until that time comes, know how much you are loved and missed. Goodbye old friend.
Xanadu is on a downward spiral. The lung mets have taken over and my sweet boy is suffering. I was hopeful that the inhaled chemo would work a miracle and spare him, but the disease was too far along when we started. It is 51 days post-amputation. I am so thankful for those 51 days.
Finley with Xanadu last night
I took him to the vet yesterday because he has been off since Monday – no appetite, weak,won’t take his meds no matter what I put them in – and he has really watery eyes. I thought it was due to our Sunday trip to the ranch – he played and ran and had a blast with his ranch dog friends. But he has gotten worse all week. He was at the vet’s all day as they didn’t have an opening and would be squeezing him in. His oncologist, Dr. Fineman, is on vacation of course. He saw Dr. Kiselow. Nice guy, but he doesn’t know Xan. He couldn’t really give us an answer except that it is probably the cancer progressing. They did bloodwork and everything was pretty normal – “unremarkable”. They gave him an injection of cerenia and rimadyl. I went to pick him up at 5pm and the tech brought him out. He seemed better – happy to see me, more pep in his step. Then the tech said she forgot something and would be right back. In the 30 seconds she was gone, Xan collapsed and stopped breathing. I dropped to the ground as the tech came out and I told her he collapsed. She scooped him up and ran him to the back. Then I saw several others running. I thought he was dead for sure. But they came out and said he was okay. I went back and they were giving him oxygen. He seemed fine. He resumed breathing on his own. They gave me the option of taking him home or leaving him. I couldn’t leave him so he went home.
Super Xan - 2003
He set up camp in the kitchen for about 5 hours, never moving from his spot until my husband picked him up to go potty before bed. We made him salmon, steak and rice (his favorites). He ate everything laying down, but then a few seconds after he finished, he was having trouble breathing again, leg stuck straight out, neck arched as though he couldn’t get enough breath. It lasted only a few seconds. Maybe an hour later he drank water and started coughing, and did the leg/neck combo. So he had trouble three times in 5 hours. Not good. Not good at all. We took him out before bed and he was able to stand on his own and urinate. My husband picked him up and put him in our room.
Xan slept soundly, never changing positions (not like him at all). This morning, he got up on his own and made it about 6 steps and stopped. He just looked at us. My husband picked him up to take him out to pee. He came back in on his own and ate some rice and steak. He hasn’t had trouble breathing this morning. But I think he has had enough. He is not happy and I can only imagine what it must feel like when he can’t get a breath.
If today is his last, we decided to have a great day. My husband and I have taken the day off and we’re taking him to his favorite place, a place he hasn’t stepped foot in since he was diagnosed with cancer last August. The Beach!! We’re going to let him get his toes wet and lay in the warm sand. Thank goodness we live in California!
Xanadu - March 15, 2011
Xan has been the best dog a girl can have. He has been with me for nearly 13 years and has seen me through every major milestone of my adulthood: breaking up with my first long-term boyfriend, living on my own, graduation from college, graduation from law school and passing the Bar Exam, getting married, having two babies, a career change from law to fundraising for the Alzheimer’s Association – it is so hard to think of life without him.
Our friend, who is also a vet, will come over this afternoon so that Xan may die peacefully at home, outside in his yard, with his humans and dog pal, Zoey, by his side. I am sad, but I know it is time to say goodbye.
It has been 35 days since Xan had his front leg amputated due to bone cancer. He is doing well overall, but I can’t forget that he has lung mets. Some days, it is hard to remember that his battle goes on. He has been such a brave boy. All of the below photos were taken yesterday, March 15.
Xan Hangs OutGetting Around on 3 LegsStill Loves Tennis BallsThis beanbag looks like a nice bedSmiling Boy
Xanadu is enrolled in a research trial at UC Davis. I have to administer aerosolized chemotherapy drugs twice a week for 6 months. We’ve had three treatments and it is getting easier each time.
The DrugsAlmost Ready to Start
Fortunately, Xan is the best patient! He is so tolerant of this – I think this dog would let me do anything to him. He completely trusts me, which is a major plus when it comes to inhaled chemo. I have to hold a plastic bag around his muzzle for approximately 40 minutes. We take 2-3 breaks each session so he can have fresh air and take sips of water.
No big deal!
I have no idea if this treatment is doing anything for Xan. Next Monday, we will have a new set of chest x-rays taken to see if there is any change to the tumors in his lungs. The last films showed three spots, one was quite large. So far, Xan is showing no symptoms related to the lung mets.
It has been nearly 7 months since Xanadu was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma and he is going strong (most of the time). He has his ups and downs. The biggest change in him since beginning chemo on 2/28, is his desire to be right under my feet. He literally hops in between my legs and just stands there. As though he finds comfort. I just let him do it. It is really annoying, but if it makes him feel better, I will deal with it! My husband has a more difficult time tolerating Xan’s new behavior. He can be a bit restless, and still has phantom pains, but rarely whines and doesn’t seem to be in any pain.
His amputation site is nearly healed and the hair is growing back nicely. He is doing so much better on 3 legs than I ever imagined. His knees occasionally bother him (prior ACL injuries), but he has figured out a nice little tripawd hop.
Xanadu Cuddles with his Humans
Inhaled chemo is interesting. We did it once the first week and twice the second week. Only 22 weeks to go. It takes about 40 minutes to administer. Xan is very tolerant and patiently endures the nebulizer. He breathes a bit hard while doing it, but he doesn’t seem to have any trouble from it. I thought he was experiencing nausea after the first round, but I now believe it was his first IV ifosfamide that caused it. His next IV treatment is scheduled on 3/21 at UC Davis.
Xanadu is whining. Something is bothering him and it is worrying me. It started the night we began inhaled chemo. He didn’t eat dinner and he was up countless times, wanting outside. Wanting to lay in the bushes. The next morning, I called his oncologist; I called his regular vet; I called the research oncologist at UCD. Everyone said the same thing – sounds like nausea. I took him in for an injection of Cerenia and picked up some pills. It seemed to help. He has had a better appetite; but still not “normal.” I was instructed to withhold the second inhaled chemo treatment until he is feeling better.
Nights are the most uncomfortable for Xan. Some nights he wakes me up multiple times. Other nights, it is only once. But he does the same thing – he goes and and does his business and then lays down in the bushes. Doesn’t matter if it is freezing or raining. He stays out for 10-15 minutes, then gets up and comes back to the door to be let in. He did this at 5:00 this morning. I am worried.
Is this the cancer spreading? Are his knees bothering him (arthritis)? Nausea? Nerve pain from the amp? Or is it something else?
Another thing he has been doing is acting as though he is being poked by a cattle prod. He’ll be laying down, sometimes sleeping, and all of a sudden he will yelp and jump up, tail between the legs. He did this 4 times yesterday. This has happened sporadically and I mentioned it to his oncologist and she said to let her know if it continues as it could be “phantom pain”. Judging by his behavior yesterday, I am leaning towards this possibility. I will call tomorrow to get his Gabapentin prescription refilled.
I am starting to do the human thing and question my decisions. Should I have amputated his leg? Should I have ended his suffering by putting him to sleep instead of putting him through surgery? How long do I keep trying to fight? When is enough enough? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. I feel tormented. I don’t want him to suffer, but I don’t want to give up too soon. I am taking it day by day, and trying to do fun things with Xan to keep his spirits up. His visit to the park yesterday was great. He sniffed, rolled in the grass, and enjoyed the sunshine with his best doggie pal, Zoey.
5:00 a.m: alarm
5:50 a.m: on the road to UC Davis
8:30 a.m: Xanadu goes back to get ready
10:00 a.m: chemo begins
4:00 p.m. I receive a call that he has finished treatment
7:00 p.m: I arrive home in San Jose
Overall, today’s initial infosamide treatment went well. They pumped 5 liters of fluid through Xanadu, and even though he went out 6 times, he still peed on his bed. An accident at age 12? He hasn’t had an accident in YEARS. At least they washed it for me!
He did great through the treatment. But when it came time to xray his lungs,an additional spot was found, and it is quite large. I only spoke with the vet student about the xrays, so I am not going to stress over it. We will start the inhaled portion of the chemo on Wednesday. I need to buy my mask tomorrow.
Today is Xan’s first day of IV Ifosfamide treatment. We left our house in San Jose just before 6:00 am to make the 2 hour journey to UC Davis. Always the car-loving dog, Xanadu didn’t seem to find it strange to leave the house so early. We stopped midway for Peet’s Coffee and morning meds, which he happily gobbled up. I am nervous and anxious for this first treatment to be behind us. I have no idea how he will respond to chemo, but based on his attitude thus far, I think he will continue to beat the odds.
I am ready for anything.
After much deliberation and feedback from my online friends at Bone Cancer Dogs – (if you have a dog with Osteosarcoma, I strongly urge you to check out this phenomenal group of individuals), I decided to give this trial a shot. It is a big commitment that comes with a lot of time and expense. We’re looking at a 10 hour day every three weeks for the IV portion, plus two 45 minute inhaled at-home treatments each week for 6 months.
Lucky for me, UC Davis has free wireless access so I can be productive while I wait! Below is more about the study:
Patient Disease
Canine patients with Osteosarcoma with confirmed Metastasis to the lungs
Study Name
Relapsed Osteosarcoma/Amputated with metastasis to the lungs
Purpose of the Study
The goal of this study is to evaluate the efficacy of Ifosfamide IV in addition to aerosolized Gemcitabine in dogs with relapsed gross metastatic disease.
Eligibility Requirements Any prospective patient must be examined by the VMTH Oncology or Radiation Oncology service veterinarian, and require the following baseline evaluations at the owners expense before a dog can be considered for enrollment in the trial:
Confirmed diagnosis
Physical examination with weight recorded
CBC, Chemistry Panel and Urinalysis All within two weeks of enrollment (referring blood work is acceptable as long as it was run at a commercial lab)
Baseline Evaluation for Eligibility
Histologically or cytologically confirmed disease
Amputation
Visible Metastasis in the Lungs as noted by a radiologist
Informed owner consent
Owner must be able to perform treatments at home.
Return every three weeks for IV treatment of Ifosfamide and bloodwork.
