March 6, 2011
25 days post-amp
Xanadu is whining. Something is bothering him and it is worrying me. It started the night we began inhaled chemo. He didn’t eat dinner and he was up countless times, wanting outside. Wanting to lay in the bushes. The next morning, I called his oncologist; I called his regular vet; I called the research oncologist at UCD. Everyone said the same thing – sounds like nausea. I took him in for an injection of Cerenia and picked up some pills. It seemed to help. He has had a better appetite; but still not “normal.” I was instructed to withhold the second inhaled chemo treatment until he is feeling better.
Nights are the most uncomfortable for Xan. Some nights he wakes me up multiple times. Other nights, it is only once. But he does the same thing – he goes and and does his business and then lays down in the bushes. Doesn’t matter if it is freezing or raining. He stays out for 10-15 minutes, then gets up and comes back to the door to be let in. He did this at 5:00 this morning. I am worried.
Is this the cancer spreading? Are his knees bothering him (arthritis)? Nausea? Nerve pain from the amp? Or is it something else?
Another thing he has been doing is acting as though he is being poked by a cattle prod. He’ll be laying down, sometimes sleeping, and all of a sudden he will yelp and jump up, tail between the legs. He did this 4 times yesterday. This has happened sporadically and I mentioned it to his oncologist and she said to let her know if it continues as it could be “phantom pain”. Judging by his behavior yesterday, I am leaning towards this possibility. I will call tomorrow to get his Gabapentin prescription refilled.
I am starting to do the human thing and question my decisions. Should I have amputated his leg? Should I have ended his suffering by putting him to sleep instead of putting him through surgery? How long do I keep trying to fight? When is enough enough? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. I feel tormented. I don’t want him to suffer, but I don’t want to give up too soon. I am taking it day by day, and trying to do fun things with Xan to keep his spirits up. His visit to the park yesterday was great. He sniffed, rolled in the grass, and enjoyed the sunshine with his best doggie pal, Zoey.
Sorry to hear you both are having such a rough time! Glad he had a fun day! Im gonna day a lil prayer for you both!
Hang in there, Xan and Xan’s mom. It’s tough to know what’s best for our dogs, especially because they can’t tell us. I do know, though, that even though Xanadu might be having side effects from the meds, as long as he’s still able to enjoy play time, or hanging in the sunshine, or just being with you, then he’s still got some time left and you did the right thing. The thing that pushed me off the fence when I was waffling with Rio was something her surgeon said: In the wild, dogs will endure just about any hardship or pain to live another day. It’s just their nature. They will always, always want that one more ray of sunshine or one more ball-chase or one more lovie from their favorite person.
Having been through “end of days” with another one of my dogs, I know this for a fact: Xanadu will tell you when he’s had enough. You will know it in your heart and bones. Trust me on this!
The smile on his face in that picture up there, though, says he’s still fighting.
Be sure to review the tips for managing phantom limb pain in dogs found in the Tripawds Downloads blog.
stop second guessing yourself!!! you did what you did, because you love xanadu – period. don’t doubt that love. phantom pain is very scary stuff, but other members have seen great success with the gabapentin. take a breath, hug those pups, enjoy each and every moment.
charon & gayle