Xanadu is on a downward spiral. The lung mets have taken over and my sweet boy is suffering. I was hopeful that the inhaled chemo would work a miracle and spare him, but the disease was too far along when we started. It is 51 days post-amputation. I am so thankful for those 51 days.
I took him to the vet yesterday because he has been off since Monday – no appetite, weak,won’t take his meds no matter what I put them in – and he has really watery eyes. I thought it was due to our Sunday trip to the ranch – he played and ran and had a blast with his ranch dog friends. But he has gotten worse all week. He was at the vet’s all day as they didn’t have an opening and would be squeezing him in. His oncologist, Dr. Fineman, is on vacation of course. He saw Dr. Kiselow. Nice guy, but he doesn’t know Xan. He couldn’t really give us an answer except that it is probably the cancer progressing. They did bloodwork and everything was pretty normal – “unremarkable”. They gave him an injection of cerenia and rimadyl. I went to pick him up at 5pm and the tech brought him out. He seemed better – happy to see me, more pep in his step. Then the tech said she forgot something and would be right back. In the 30 seconds she was gone, Xan collapsed and stopped breathing. I dropped to the ground as the tech came out and I told her he collapsed. She scooped him up and ran him to the back. Then I saw several others running. I thought he was dead for sure. But they came out and said he was okay. I went back and they were giving him oxygen. He seemed fine. He resumed breathing on his own. They gave me the option of taking him home or leaving him. I couldn’t leave him so he went home.
He set up camp in the kitchen for about 5 hours, never moving from his spot until my husband picked him up to go potty before bed. We made him salmon, steak and rice (his favorites). He ate everything laying down, but then a few seconds after he finished, he was having trouble breathing again, leg stuck straight out, neck arched as though he couldn’t get enough breath. It lasted only a few seconds. Maybe an hour later he drank water and started coughing, and did the leg/neck combo. So he had trouble three times in 5 hours. Not good. Not good at all. We took him out before bed and he was able to stand on his own and urinate. My husband picked him up and put him in our room.
Xan slept soundly, never changing positions (not like him at all). This morning, he got up on his own and made it about 6 steps and stopped. He just looked at us. My husband picked him up to take him out to pee. He came back in on his own and ate some rice and steak. He hasn’t had trouble breathing this morning. But I think he has had enough. He is not happy and I can only imagine what it must feel like when he can’t get a breath.
If today is his last, we decided to have a great day. My husband and I have taken the day off and we’re taking him to his favorite place, a place he hasn’t stepped foot in since he was diagnosed with cancer last August. The Beach!! We’re going to let him get his toes wet and lay in the warm sand. Thank goodness we live in California!
Xan has been the best dog a girl can have. He has been with me for nearly 13 years and has seen me through every major milestone of my adulthood: breaking up with my first long-term boyfriend, living on my own, graduation from college, graduation from law school and passing the Bar Exam, getting married, having two babies, a career change from law to fundraising for the Alzheimer’s Association – it is so hard to think of life without him.
Our friend, who is also a vet, will come over this afternoon so that Xan may die peacefully at home, outside in his yard, with his humans and dog pal, Zoey, by his side. I am sad, but I know it is time to say goodbye.
I will miss you Xan.
Lisa: What a heartwarming story. My prayers are with you as you spend time with Xan in his last hours here on earth. While it is hard to say goodbye – it is the best choice for Xan as he is having a hard time being alive let alone living a good life.
Hugs….
Dawn
Beautiful photos. So sorry to hear sweet Xanadu’s time has come. Please give him a good ear rub for us.
Peace.
you are giving xan a final gift by letting him go. sounds like an amazing life you two shared, definitely something to celebrate. we send our thoughts your way, we know how hard it is to let go. remember that love never ends.
charon & gayle
Many ear rubbies to wonderful Xan, I hope he loved his run (or stroll or lay) on the beach.
So sorry to hear the news about Xan. I remember the pics when you first started posting about him. It’s so nice that he gets to have a great last day. We know how hard it is to say goodbye (having gone through that with our last dog) but you are doing the right thing. Some day the memories will all be happy ones.
God speed, Xan. Run pain free!
Sending virtual hugs and support.
Jackie & Abby
thinking of your family. you are the best mom, ever.
Xan has had a wonderful life and was privileged to have a family that is kind, compassionate, and loving. I know these words are probably not helpful during this hard time but I do hope that your family will remember the wonderful gift that Xan was to you. Much love. Heather
Lisa:
Beautiful photos. Here comes the tears again because now
I feel like I know him. The first (1998) and last pics (2001) are absolutely precious as are all of them. As you know, there could never be enough days or weeks or years. But sounds like he’s been the best friend a girl/family could ever wish for and you and your family have been the best “people” for him.
Thank you for sharing this tribute with us.
Peggy Sue
Lisa,
I am so sorry for your loss. You and Xan have been in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you and your family the best!
Lisa,
I hope you take this the right way because I feel your pain and I know what a sad day this is for you. But of all the goodbye posts I’ve ever read on this website, this is the only one that has ever made me smile. Not a happy smile of course, but a heartwarming/heartaching smile, if that makes any sense at all. I think it’s in the way you wrote it. You conveyed all kinds of warmth to me. And the pictures are of a fantastic life that all dogs should be so lucky to have.
It’s amazing all the things Xan has been beside you for. Your memories are priceless. I send my sincerest condolences to you and I’m praying for strength for your family.
Leslie
I have been followind Xandu’s blog and I am so very sorry to hear this! I thought you were so very brave to try the inhaled therapy. I was hoping for your miracle too! Sending you heart healing wishes!
Lisa,
Prayers follow your family and Xan today. Love survives everything. Really, it does. Your love for Xan will stay in your heart forever.
You have provided the best home and life for Xanadu. If I were a dog, I would want to be in your family. You gave him fun and freedom in his youth, a family with youngsters as he started to age a bit, and tons of TLC and compassion as he became sick and declined. If you asked him, he would say “you guys are the best.”
I wish you strength and peace as you help Xanadu take that step into being free of pain. For Xan, I wish loving arms holding him and stroking his soft, sweet face as he ends this journey to begin another.
Shari
So, so sorry to hear about Xan. The tears came to my eyes as I read your posting, because I feel like I’d gotten to know him through your words and pictures. He’s a beautiful soul and will be so sadly missed.
I’m so glad that you are able to take him to his favorite place and make a few more happy memories before it’s his time. Those memories of happier times will be what sustain you and keeps you from falling apart during the tough days, weeks, months ahead.
Goodbye, Xanadu. You will be remembered with love.
Micki and Rio
Aww, sorry to hear about Xanadu. We wish him peace. Your photos are beautiful and your memories are “forever”.
Lisa,
My thoughts are with you as you give Xanadu the ultimate gift in releasing him from his illness. You both are an inspiration to so many! I feel so lucky to have met you guys in October. Peace be with you and Godspeed sweet sweet Xanadu. xo
Karen, Adrian and angel Albion
We are so sorry to hear about Xan, glad you had a good last day on the beach. You are all in our thoughts.
So utterly sorry to hear about Xanadu. Sending heartfelt thoughts of peace, healing and strength.
Aww.. I’m so sorry, Lisa. I’ve been keeping up with Xanadu’s progress since you started posting it and have always had all of you in my thoughts. My heart hurts for you. You have given Xan a wonderful life and he has given you the same. It’s not goodbye, it’s see you soon.
I’m so sorry to hear about Xanadu. You and your family are in our thoughts tonight.
You are giving Xanadu the most unselfish final gift of love by releasing him. Xan knows how deeply he is loved. A candle is lit to light his way to Rainbow Bridge.
Godspeed sweet Xanadu. You are a warrior and a hero who fought a good fight. Run free Xan, run. Send your mommy and daddy pennies when you can.
Wishing you strength and peace during this very difficult time. In time may memories of Xanadu bring smiles instead of only tears….
Love,
Ellen & Charley
Lisa, its with tears in my eyes that I say I’m so sorry you had to let him go today. He was such a brave boy and you were the best pup-mom to him … I”m so glad I got to meet him.
Fly to the Angels Xan!
Nicole
Thank you to everyone who left a comment today. Xan is an angel now, running with 4 legs and cancer-free. He went to the bridge at 6:30 tonight, after some stalling on my part. I didn’t want to let him go. But I looked into his eyes and he kissed me as if to say it was okay.
I am so sorry, Lisa. It has been touching to see how much you loved him. He was a lucky dog to have such a wonderful human. Now, I need a tissue.
xoxo
Hi Lisa,
I’m one of the yahoo bone cancer members. So sad that you lost Xanadu today. I’ve been through losing a beloved pet many times. It’s a very brave and selfless thing to do. But it doesn’t feel good. You know he is a peace now and he doesn’t have to suffer any more. I live very near you, in Los Gatos. My son told me after our beloved Bonnie died, “Don’t worry Mom, you will see her again.” Out of the mouth of babes. We considered going to UC Davis but ended up at VMS in Campbell. Happy to meet you for a cup of coffee or a walk.
Sue and Rocky
suelachef@aol.com
Lisa,
Dr. Fineman is Rocky’s oncologist. Sue
Lisa
I haven’t been able to get online for sometime now until today and the first thing I checked out was news on Xan. I am so so sad and in tears, not for Xanadu, as I know he is in a good place, whole and happy and being well look after but I know the pain you are feeling and wish there were words that could help.
I feel so privileged to have met your gentle gentleman at the BCD reunion it was a true honor to have met such a wonderful hero and see how he was enjoying himself . He is such a special angel .
(((((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))