Thank you, Dakota Dawg, for writing and sharing this poem with me. It brought tears to my eyes. I hope you don’t mind that I am sharing it with the world. It is spot on and describes Xan very well. – Lisa
Love to Xanadu
Precious Xan, so soft, so sweet, you moved into my heart, and life was complete.
I gave you a home, and it made me so glad. In return you became the best friend I ever had.
Time went by and I grew older. You grew older, too. One day you got sick, so very sick, and I didn’t know what to do.
The dreaded day came and I set you free. This was all about you, not about me.
Our house has children, two rambunctious boys. But it is still too quiet without your delightful noise.
Brave Xanadu, you are missed so very much. One day I will cross the bridge and you will run to my touch.
We lost Xanadu on April 1, 2011 after spending the day in Moss Landing. It feels like my heart has been ripped out. My friend of nearly 13 years is gone. Poof. Even though I knew this day was coming, I really hoped it would be so much later. I told him he would make it to his 13th birthday on July 19. How I wished we could’ve beat osteosarcoma. We fought. Hard. But all we did was delay his death a bit. He died on a good day. I am still coming to terms with his passing, but I am happy that my final memories of him are good ones. He rallied and enjoyed his last day on earth – he always loved the beach. And although he couldn’t chase tennis balls or birds, he got his paws wet and enjoyed the sunshine. What a beautiful day.
His passing was peaceful. He layed down in our backyard when we got home from the beach and he never got up again. I think he knew it was time. He was calm and so full of love. God, I miss him so much it hurts. Although I stalled and considered waiting until another day, I know we did what was best for him. He is no longer suffering, but I still miss him. I still feel him in our house. I think he is hanging around. I hope he knows I did everything I could to keep him with us.
Our boys are still figuring out their feelings. Our 2-year-old asks for Xan every morning. His routine was to give both dogs a cookie. Now, he holds the cookie in his little hand and asks, “where Xani go?” – it is so sad. This morning he said, “Xani gone.” My 4 1/2 year old asked the other day how he can get to the Rainbow Bridge to see Xan because he misses him.
Our last day together
Rest in peace, Xanadu. I think of you every second and wonder how you are doing on the bridge. I will always love you and we will meet again someday. Until that time comes, know how much you are loved and missed. Goodbye old friend.
Xanadu is on a downward spiral. The lung mets have taken over and my sweet boy is suffering. I was hopeful that the inhaled chemo would work a miracle and spare him, but the disease was too far along when we started. It is 51 days post-amputation. I am so thankful for those 51 days.
Finley with Xanadu last night
I took him to the vet yesterday because he has been off since Monday – no appetite, weak,won’t take his meds no matter what I put them in – and he has really watery eyes. I thought it was due to our Sunday trip to the ranch – he played and ran and had a blast with his ranch dog friends. But he has gotten worse all week. He was at the vet’s all day as they didn’t have an opening and would be squeezing him in. His oncologist, Dr. Fineman, is on vacation of course. He saw Dr. Kiselow. Nice guy, but he doesn’t know Xan. He couldn’t really give us an answer except that it is probably the cancer progressing. They did bloodwork and everything was pretty normal – “unremarkable”. They gave him an injection of cerenia and rimadyl. I went to pick him up at 5pm and the tech brought him out. He seemed better – happy to see me, more pep in his step. Then the tech said she forgot something and would be right back. In the 30 seconds she was gone, Xan collapsed and stopped breathing. I dropped to the ground as the tech came out and I told her he collapsed. She scooped him up and ran him to the back. Then I saw several others running. I thought he was dead for sure. But they came out and said he was okay. I went back and they were giving him oxygen. He seemed fine. He resumed breathing on his own. They gave me the option of taking him home or leaving him. I couldn’t leave him so he went home.
Super Xan - 2003
He set up camp in the kitchen for about 5 hours, never moving from his spot until my husband picked him up to go potty before bed. We made him salmon, steak and rice (his favorites). He ate everything laying down, but then a few seconds after he finished, he was having trouble breathing again, leg stuck straight out, neck arched as though he couldn’t get enough breath. It lasted only a few seconds. Maybe an hour later he drank water and started coughing, and did the leg/neck combo. So he had trouble three times in 5 hours. Not good. Not good at all. We took him out before bed and he was able to stand on his own and urinate. My husband picked him up and put him in our room.
Xan slept soundly, never changing positions (not like him at all). This morning, he got up on his own and made it about 6 steps and stopped. He just looked at us. My husband picked him up to take him out to pee. He came back in on his own and ate some rice and steak. He hasn’t had trouble breathing this morning. But I think he has had enough. He is not happy and I can only imagine what it must feel like when he can’t get a breath.
If today is his last, we decided to have a great day. My husband and I have taken the day off and we’re taking him to his favorite place, a place he hasn’t stepped foot in since he was diagnosed with cancer last August. The Beach!! We’re going to let him get his toes wet and lay in the warm sand. Thank goodness we live in California!
Xanadu - March 15, 2011
Xan has been the best dog a girl can have. He has been with me for nearly 13 years and has seen me through every major milestone of my adulthood: breaking up with my first long-term boyfriend, living on my own, graduation from college, graduation from law school and passing the Bar Exam, getting married, having two babies, a career change from law to fundraising for the Alzheimer’s Association – it is so hard to think of life without him.
Our friend, who is also a vet, will come over this afternoon so that Xan may die peacefully at home, outside in his yard, with his humans and dog pal, Zoey, by his side. I am sad, but I know it is time to say goodbye.
