March 6, 2011
25 days post-amp
Xanadu is whining. Something is bothering him and it is worrying me. It started the night we began inhaled chemo. He didn’t eat dinner and he was up countless times, wanting outside. Wanting to lay in the bushes. The next morning, I called his oncologist; I called his regular vet; I called the research oncologist at UCD. Everyone said the same thing – sounds like nausea. I took him in for an injection of Cerenia and picked up some pills. It seemed to help. He has had a better appetite; but still not “normal.” I was instructed to withhold the second inhaled chemo treatment until he is feeling better.
Nights are the most uncomfortable for Xan. Some nights he wakes me up multiple times. Other nights, it is only once. But he does the same thing – he goes and and does his business and then lays down in the bushes. Doesn’t matter if it is freezing or raining. He stays out for 10-15 minutes, then gets up and comes back to the door to be let in. He did this at 5:00 this morning. I am worried.
Is this the cancer spreading? Are his knees bothering him (arthritis)? Nausea? Nerve pain from the amp? Or is it something else?
Another thing he has been doing is acting as though he is being poked by a cattle prod. He’ll be laying down, sometimes sleeping, and all of a sudden he will yelp and jump up, tail between the legs. He did this 4 times yesterday. This has happened sporadically and I mentioned it to his oncologist and she said to let her know if it continues as it could be “phantom pain”. Judging by his behavior yesterday, I am leaning towards this possibility. I will call tomorrow to get his Gabapentin prescription refilled.
I am starting to do the human thing and question my decisions. Should I have amputated his leg? Should I have ended his suffering by putting him to sleep instead of putting him through surgery? How long do I keep trying to fight? When is enough enough? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. I feel tormented. I don’t want him to suffer, but I don’t want to give up too soon. I am taking it day by day, and trying to do fun things with Xan to keep his spirits up. His visit to the park yesterday was great. He sniffed, rolled in the grass, and enjoyed the sunshine with his best doggie pal, Zoey.
