Xanadu is on a downward spiral. The lung mets have taken over and my sweet boy is suffering. I was hopeful that the inhaled chemo would work a miracle and spare him, but the disease was too far along when we started. It is 51 days post-amputation. I am so thankful for those 51 days.
I took him to the vet yesterday because he has been off since Monday – no appetite, weak,won’t take his meds no matter what I put them in – and he has really watery eyes. I thought it was due to our Sunday trip to the ranch – he played and ran and had a blast with his ranch dog friends. But he has gotten worse all week. He was at the vet’s all day as they didn’t have an opening and would be squeezing him in. His oncologist, Dr. Fineman, is on vacation of course. He saw Dr. Kiselow. Nice guy, but he doesn’t know Xan. He couldn’t really give us an answer except that it is probably the cancer progressing. They did bloodwork and everything was pretty normal – “unremarkable”. They gave him an injection of cerenia and rimadyl. I went to pick him up at 5pm and the tech brought him out. He seemed better – happy to see me, more pep in his step. Then the tech said she forgot something and would be right back. In the 30 seconds she was gone, Xan collapsed and stopped breathing. I dropped to the ground as the tech came out and I told her he collapsed. She scooped him up and ran him to the back. Then I saw several others running. I thought he was dead for sure. But they came out and said he was okay. I went back and they were giving him oxygen. He seemed fine. He resumed breathing on his own. They gave me the option of taking him home or leaving him. I couldn’t leave him so he went home.
He set up camp in the kitchen for about 5 hours, never moving from his spot until my husband picked him up to go potty before bed. We made him salmon, steak and rice (his favorites). He ate everything laying down, but then a few seconds after he finished, he was having trouble breathing again, leg stuck straight out, neck arched as though he couldn’t get enough breath. It lasted only a few seconds. Maybe an hour later he drank water and started coughing, and did the leg/neck combo. So he had trouble three times in 5 hours. Not good. Not good at all. We took him out before bed and he was able to stand on his own and urinate. My husband picked him up and put him in our room.
Xan slept soundly, never changing positions (not like him at all). This morning, he got up on his own and made it about 6 steps and stopped. He just looked at us. My husband picked him up to take him out to pee. He came back in on his own and ate some rice and steak. He hasn’t had trouble breathing this morning. But I think he has had enough. He is not happy and I can only imagine what it must feel like when he can’t get a breath.
If today is his last, we decided to have a great day. My husband and I have taken the day off and we’re taking him to his favorite place, a place he hasn’t stepped foot in since he was diagnosed with cancer last August. The Beach!! We’re going to let him get his toes wet and lay in the warm sand. Thank goodness we live in California!
Xan has been the best dog a girl can have. He has been with me for nearly 13 years and has seen me through every major milestone of my adulthood: breaking up with my first long-term boyfriend, living on my own, graduation from college, graduation from law school and passing the Bar Exam, getting married, having two babies, a career change from law to fundraising for the Alzheimer’s Association – it is so hard to think of life without him.
Our friend, who is also a vet, will come over this afternoon so that Xan may die peacefully at home, outside in his yard, with his humans and dog pal, Zoey, by his side. I am sad, but I know it is time to say goodbye.
I will miss you Xan.
